The Ugly Side of Pretty People

The world has increasingly become individualized. Not only individualized but narcissistic as well. We are bombarded with pictures of glitz and glamor and happy, pretty people who seem to be having too much fun for them to handle on their own. We want that for ourselves, too. Not to be happy but to be the pretty person who seems to be happy since we all know that good looks are all you need in life, right? Where did this obsession with being pretty come from? Some believe that the media are to blame for all the beautiful people who grace the cover of magazines and appear in commercials nationwide. It’s a fair accusation but I think kid shows are to blame. Everything that is beautiful, pretty, cute or cuddly is good and pure while all things that aren’t as cute are evil, mean and vicious.

Everyone wants to be attractive, sexy and desirable. It’s funny how hard some people try to get noticed. They try really hard to be sexy and even harder to make it seem like it’s natural. I don’t understand how wanting to be pretty, beautiful or handsome can turn a person into a complete misguided asshole (girls can be assholes too). This is especially infuriating if everyone knows that you’re only cute on a good day. Here are a few things common to pretty people that I just do not understand.

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Slow Motion

Is it just me or do beautiful people always take their sweet ass time to do something? It’s almost as if they were in slow motion all the time. I get why they do it. Damn near every slow motion sequence we see in movies or TV show beautiful people doing mundane things and they always look good doing it (i.e. Baywatch. Do yourself a favor and Google it). It’s only fitting that I see some girls whipping their hair back and forth for 15 straight seconds or dudes laughing so slow that it barely seems like they’re laughing at all. You may not notice when they do it but there are some awkward moments where, while looking at them, you think “what the hell is he/she doing?” You usually brush it off and walk away. They may have watched Dave Chappelle’s “Everything looks better in slow motion” skit and tried to apply it to their lives … No matter how stupid they look.

The Damn Mirror

I know the following has happened to you before: You were trying to have a conversation with someone but, suddenly, they pass by or notice their reflection in a mirror. As soon as they noticed it, it’s like love at first sight (even though it’s number 2 341). They stopped listening to what you were saying and you are now talking to yourself. I understand looking at your reflection to make sure your lips aren’t dry or to check if there are any boogers crawling out of your nose. What I don’t understand is people who need to look at themselves every two minutes. Does your hair have to be perfect every second of the day? Isn’t that what styling gel is for? Worse than that are the people who are looking at themselves but carry on a conversation with you. To the untrained eye it may look like they’re talking to themselves. It’s understandable since no one will love the way they look more than themselves. However, the absolute worst are people who look at their reflection in your sunglasses. They seem to be immersed in what you’re saying and right when you’re about to feel good about yourself, you realize that these bastards are posing. Seriously?! My presence is now a tool for your conceit? It’s the type of situation that makes you wish full-blown acne that Proactiv can’t fix on a person.

Make-up, please!

Wear make-up all you want but do not act like you’re Beyonce when you look like Snooki from Jersey Shore or Lady Gaga(they wear a ton of make-up and still look weird). Girls who put on a ½ inch thick layer of make-up and act like they’re God’s gift to men should think twice about how they behave. I get tempted to throw a bucket of water on their faces and watch them melt like the Wicked Witch of the West. Now, let’s see how they’ll behave when all that cosmetic confidence is gone. If the make-up makes you look better but also makes you act like a bad person, do us all (yourself included) a favor and steer clear.

Oh, no! Not the faces.

Facebook is a social networking website where people can connect and interact with each other. Why do people use it for validation? Many girls spend hours posing, making faces and then taking pictures of all that nonsense to post it on Facebook. There’s a reason why they’re so attached to their phones: they’re busy monitoring all the “likes” they got on all the stupid pictures they took. The one thing that truly bothers me though is the “duck” face or the “sour lemon look”. This is when girls purse their lips in order to make them seem fuller. I have no idea why so many girls do this but I have to tell you that it is NOT CUTE! I mean that. You look weird and you look like you’re trying too hard.

Guys do it too. I call it the “pretty boy” look. This is when a guy squints like the sun is in his eyes, licks his lips and leans slightly to the side. Once again, you look weird and unnatural. Stop it. If you look good you shouldn’t have to try.

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Last Word

Try to be pretty all you want and enjoy it while it lasts. We all get old and wrinkly no matter how hard we try to fight it. Look at it this way: pretty or not, we’re all one freak accident away from being disfigured. And then what? Better to have been a nice person that people will want to be around than the hot, stuck-up douche that people won’t feel sorry for. Looks will fade while character remains. Act accordingly.

Wilden Out.

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