The Thankful Oracle: Golden State “Thank You Notes” Version

Can’t quite remember the last time I’ve seen a fanbase feel probably the lowest of lows by losing a championship and then experiencing the highest of highs by acquiring a generational talent about two weeks after said defeat. Well, that’s what happened to the Golden State Warriors faithful since they’re about to obtain Kevin Durant after losing a tense Game 7 to the NBA champion Cleveland Cavaliers.

Before I go on, I must remind everyone that I genuinely thought the Warriors would win it all and that they were unbeatable. However, when you not only go against a team that played good, physical defense, but also a unit led by one of the greatest players of all-time in LeBron James, you’re not as invincible as you once were pegged. But Warriors fans should no longer feel woes, as they’re about receive the 2013-14 league MVP and one of the greatest scorers this game has ever seen, which makes their new lineup scarier than it already was.

Dub Nation, you should be thankful. A lot of things helped make this miracle happen. I’m going to go straight off the dome with these occurrences, so I may miss some important things. In the spirit of The Tonight Show’s “Thank You Notes” segment, let’s rattle off some happy accidents and deliberate maneuvers that brought us here.

Kick it, Roots' piano player, James!

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Thank you, Steph Curry’s ankles! for being brittle early on in your career, which enabled management to sign you to a cheap-o contract as Chef Curry became the face of the league and a 2-time MVP. His $12 million contract helped bring along Mr. Durant. As of next season, Curry will be the fourth highest-paid player on his team.

Thank you, Klay Thompson! For going absolutely nuts in Game 6 of the Western Conference Finals, to force a deciding Game 7 at home, keeping your record-setting season alive, and preventing the Oklahoma City Thunder from going on to the NBA Finals. Because there’s no way Durant would leave a Finals contending team.

Thank you, Draymond Green! For nut-punching LeBron in Game 4, which then got you suspended for Game 5, where most people believe Golden State would’ve won if you had played. And even though you had a killer Game 7 that no one talks about because you lost, your suspension shifted the momentum of the series and most likely changed the course of NBA history.

Thank you, Harrison Barnes! For building a lovely brick house during the last three games of the NBA Finals. Now, I’m not pinning the loss on you, but you definitely contributed to it. Also, your lacklustre play in a contract year didn’t make the decision for Warriors' general manager, Bob Myers, difficult about whether he wanted to keep you or not. Best of luck in Dallas!

Double thank you to Andrew Bogut’s knee and Andre Iguodala’s back for failing both respective parties by forcing Bogut out of the series and limiting Iggy, who happened to be the best defender the Dubs had against LeBron. Great timing, you guys!

Thank you, Warrior’s owner, Joe Lacob! For possibly jinxing your team when you did an interview with the New York Times back in April, bragging about how you’re light-years ahead of the league and you’re gonna be a handful for everyone for a long time. We saw you bowing down to Klay Thompson after his heroic Game 6, knowing he saved your ass! But karma’s a bitch, buddy.

Thank you, Jerry West aka The Logo! For your always welcoming sage advice, which forced the Warriors’ hand to not trade Klay for Kevin Love, and for whatever the hell you said to Durant to have him come to The Bay Area. You’re an all-time great executive for a reason.

 

Golden State Thank You

Via Instagram

 

Thank you, Russell Westbrook! For not convincing your longtime teammate and friend Kevin Durant that you’d be in OKC long-term, because why in the hell would he leave you after you guys were up on the Warriors 3 games to 1, and THAT close to making it to your second Finals appearance? Why would he leave you when both of you are two of the best 5 players in the league? Regardless, Golden State thanks you!

Thank you, Kyrie Irving! For being a great Robin to LeBron’s Batman, for putting up Wilt-like numbers in Game 5, for draining the go-ahead three with under a minute left in Game 7, and basically outplaying the unanimous MVP, Steph Curry, in the Finals. Bron Bron couldn’t have done it without you.

Another double thank you! To former NBA commissioner David Stern for not being around to nix this deal, like the way you inexplicably vetoed the Chris Paul trade to the Los Angeles Lakers back in 2011. And to the current commissioner Adam Silver, for letting this happen and clearing the path for a new NBA villain, reminiscent of the 2011 Heatles. Because people do not like it when star players gang up.

And thank you, LeBron James! For putting together one of the greatest Finals performances ever, helping your team to be the first group ever to come back from a 3-1 deficit in the NBA Finals, and stopping what would’ve been the greatest season in NBA history for the 73-9 Golden State Warriors. If the Warriors had won, KD would’ve gone elsewhere (Boston? San Antonio? Miami?) or just stayed in Oklahoma City. Hard to see Durant joining a back-to-back champion, and now he’s going to help the Dubs get a second title. Not that they desperately need him, since they have three All-Stars/All-NBA players and they won 73 FUCKING REGULAR SEASON GAMES and were one game away from winning the title again! But hey… If you have the opportunity to get a player of Durant’s caliber, you gotta go for it.

Congrats, Dub Nation! Be thankful for all of this (and maybe some other things I forgot to mention). I’m not going to pull a Lacob and jinx you guys by crowning you champions already (although I’m tempted), but as good as you guys were last year, you’re going to be freaking bonkers in 2016-17. Well, you had better be.

 

Written by The W

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