How to Survive an Office Holiday Party

Office Holiday party season is in full effect!

Since 2016 has already been one gigantic face-palm of a year, let's all try to end it on a somewhat positive note. To help you with that, I'm sharing a few tips and tricks to end the year at the office in the right way.

 

  1. Don't Blame it on the Alcohol

    Don't be like Meredith from The Office and get crazy wasted in front of all your coworkers and your boss. I mean, you've probably been working hard and you want to let loose, but getting trashed in front of the people who sign your checks may not be a very good idea. 

    The more you drink, the lower your inhibitions are, and that creates more opportunities to say and do things you may regret the next day. Have a drink or two, but don't go cray on the open bar.

     

  2. No Chance for Romance

    The office party is not the place to declare your love to your office crush. If you attempt to declare said love, all eyes will be on you and, in the event you get rejected, you'll be the topic of choice for all the office loudmouths and gossip folk.

    I have no idea why people associate romance to Christmas/Holidays. Anyway, don't do it. Life is not a movie and the whole thing may not work out for you.

    Furthermore, to strengthen point #1, don't make out with some random office person either. People talk and no one comes out looking good after a drunken make out session.

    I'm trying to look out for you here.

     

  3. Don't Give People Gifts

    Unless it's a gift exchange/secret Santa thing or you baked cookies for the office, don't go out and give people gifts they didn't expect. I know you want to be nice and everything, but like The Big Bang Theory's Sheldon Cooper once pointed out, a gift is an imposition. 

    You giving out gifts doesn't make people happy (sometimes it does), it mostly makes them feel like shit for not thinking of getting you something too. Some people may even resent you for it.

     

  4. No Sex, Drugs or Rock and Roll

    This kind of goes hand-in-hand with point #2. You don't want to get caught having sex or taking drugs around your co-workers or on company premises. In the corporate world, snitches don't get stitches … They get promotions.

    Therefore, at every office party, there's always someone with nothing better to do, who's always in everyone's business, just waiting for someone to fuck up so they can tell on them (you know who I'm talking about – there's one in every office).

     

  5. Be Merry

    It's not the time to air out grievances, clear the air or preach to people about why we should say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays" or anything like that.

    Don't talk politics or bring people down with fucked up shit. Bitch, just don't be killing everybody's vibe. For one night a year, the company tries to make a "nice" gesture by giving people bonuses and an open bar. Don't ruin that.

    Just chill and try to have a good time. If you can't do that because you hate the people you work with, I feel you, but please stay the fuck home. Drink egg nog until you pass out and call it a night.

 

I'm just trying to help you guys out. If you have any more tips, please send them my way and I'll update this post.

 

Happy Holidays!

 

written by Joe Renegade

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